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Sixteen and bisexual
Hi! I’m a girl of sixteen. I am bisexual and these days I’m with a girl who is soon seventeen. All we want is to be together for ever, but we know that we can’t. I visited her last weekend, I kissed her and that just made it more difficult, as we both wanted to continue and just be the two of us for ever, but then there is the fact that I can’t. We have talked about it and we agreed to try it a little, but not to go over any limits, so that we can still be friends afterwards. What I’m wondering is what we should do and how we should go back to being friends, as that is probably what you will recommend me to do since this is a Christian website. I’m also wondering if there is any chance that we can be together like we want?
Hi,
You’re wondering whether there is a chance for you to be together as you want to be. It is of course you yourselves who choose whether or not you will have a relationship. We can’t make any decisions for you. You have to make your own choices and stand by them. However, we can share some thoughts with you based on the values we have on this website.
Everyone wants to be happy and we understand very well that you want to be with the person you are in love with. When people are in love it can almost seem impossible to be happy without being with the other person. It is painful to have a broken heart and not to be able to be with the person you love.
We also have to remember that crushes come and go, particularly in the teenage years. So even though it feels like you want to be together for ever, it is often the case that the person you are in love with now isn’t the same person you will later marry. Lots of teenagers experience, like you, that they have feelings for both their own gender and the opposite gender. Because feelings can change so much as a teenager, this doesn’t mean that the person is bisexual, homosexual or lesbian for the rest of their life.
It seems that neither of you are all that sure if you want a relationship or not; it seems as if you want to explore these feelings by making out. We don’t encourage you to make out with someone who you don’t see yourself being in a permanent relationship with. Making out kicks off strong feelings that can easily be confused with being in love. Being physically attracted to someone and enjoying kissing and making out is not the same as being suitable partners for each other. If you start to make out, it will start emotions that will create a relationship between you, and then you may easily think that you have a lasting, valuable relationship, although it may just be physical attraction. If your relationship is based on making out, it can also be difficult to go back to just being friends.
We believe that the Bible says what is best for us. The Bible is clear that marriage is for one man and one woman and that all sexual activity belongs in this framework. This can be hard to accept if you are very much in love and not married, and of course it is even more challenging if the person you are in love with is the same gender.
You and your girl friend should have a good talk about what type of relationship you are going to have, and create a friendship that suits. Spend time with other teenagers and do what friends do together. Enjoy each other’s friendship, be good friends and do fun things together.
If this is hard for you in the weeks to come, find an adult you trust and talk to them. It helps to have someone to talk to, someone who is there for you when you struggle and who can help you when it is difficult.
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