Is it only men who struggle with porn?

I met ‘Ellen’, a woman in her 20's. She’s just one of many women who struggle with porn, but one of few who dare to talk about it.

^{The original text was written by Tove Karin Sandve from Itro.no. Used with permission.}

It all started with masturbation. Then that became more exciting in combination with erotic scenes in books. Then she started searching for pornography on the net.

More and more often...

Porn got more and more control over her; it was often triggered by boredom, loneliness or feeling down. Porn became a readily available escape, which felt both wonderful and effective. However, it always led to shame, a sense of guilt, and her praying for forgiveness.

No one can find out

She led a Bible study group, and she was also a leader on Christian camps. She served in the church: was it right of her to be so involved?

‘No one can find out, otherwise no one will have me there.’ She says that she was ashamed, and constantly felt unworthy. Couldn’t she just pull herself together? But self-condemnation, feelings of guilt and shame were a huge part of it.

‘I often thought that God was disappointed and judged me. I knew that His grace covered this too, but only just.’

Hooked?

It took Ellen a few years to realise that she was hooked on porn. She realised that she couldn’t get out of it alone. She had decided ‘this is the last time’ hundreds of times before.

‘I always knew that lots of men struggle with it, but I was convinced that I was the only Christian woman doing it,’ she says.

That just reinforced a lot of the shame and made it more important to keep it a secret.

At the same time, though, she did want to tell someone about it. But how could she dare, and who could she tell?

Free!

After one church meeting there was prayer for anyone who needed it. Ellen says that she had felt a real need for prayer that evening. At the same time, however, she was quite certain that she wouldn’t say anything about porn.

As she talked to the woman who was to pray for her, they concluded that there was maybe one special sin that she felt she couldn’t leave. The other woman said that if she was ready, it could be good to say it aloud.

Ellen suddenly sensed that it would be great to confess it.

‘That’s the most powerful meeting with God that I’ve ever had. She prayed for me, and I felt that I met Jesus. It was as if He came and tore off my chains and told me that I was free. I had this extreme joy for days after it, a joy I’d never experienced before or after,’ she says.

Later, the woman who prayed for her told her that while they were preparing and praying for the evening, one of the leaders had the idea that ‘tonight someone will be set free from pornography’.

No ‘Sex and the City’

It still can seem like a tempting escape, but it’s totally different now.

She’s got a friend who she always contacts when things get difficult or if she falls. She never has her computer in her bedroom, she doesn’t watch ‘Sex and the City’, and she doesn’t take her mobile phone into her bedroom when she goes to bed.

‘Jesus didn’t just set me free from the dependence, but from the shame and the bad conscience, and that has been almost even greater. It doesn’t affect me so much now.’

Ellen was asked if she could be honest about her story so she could help others. Every time she talks about it several women get in touch. They also think that they are the only ones struggling with porn.

She doesn’t believe that all of them will be set free immediately. It’s often a longer process, but the first step is to tell someone. I asked her what she would say to someone struggling with porn:

‘You aren’t alone! Telling someone about it isn’t the end of the world, on the contrary, it’s the best thing you can do,’ she says.

‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:9).

You can read more on this subject here:

5 steps to freedom from porn