Hi and thanks for sharing this with us.
A lot of young people, especially boys, struggle with what you describe. Only a generation ago pornography was hard to get hold of. There were strict laws about what kind of porn could be published, and you had to go to a newsagent or video shop if you wanted to buy a magazine or rent a video with pornographic content. However, things are different today. All kinds of porn are available on the net, just a click away, and this means that the temptation to look at porn has increased.
The problem with porn is not primarily that it portrays naked people. Everything God has created is good, including the naked human body (Genesis 1:31). It was also God who created sexuality and who told the first people that they should be fruitful (Genesis 1:22), this also meant that the man and the woman should have sex. The problem with porn is primarily that it tears sexuality out of the context that God intended sex to belong in, that is in a faithful love relationship between a man and a woman who are married and have promised to stay together for the rest of their life.
Porn instead portrays sex as something easy that is only about bodies and sexual desire, without any link to love and faithfulness. Porn is designed to create sexual fantasies and desires that collide with God's plan and purpose for sexuality. This desire is a sin because it is a form of adultery against the person we are married to or will someday marry (Matthew 5:28). The Bible also says that humans consist of spirit, soul, and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23). We are affected in our inner being by having sex with someone, but also when this happens in our thoughts and fantasies. Sexual sins are not greater sins than other sins, but they affect the whole person with spirit, soul and body and often have greater consequences. This is one of the most important reasons why it is so easy to get hooked on porn, it affects our inner being in a powerful way.
We encourage you to read or listen to The invisible reality of sex.
We are not created to get as many and strong sexual impressions as we can get from porn. The brain releases dopamine when we eat a good meal, do something exciting or experience something nice. The same release of dopamine may happen to a much stronger degree if we look at porn. These mechanisms in the brain make us vulnerable to all types of addiction, whether it concerns drugs, gambling or porn. We do not become addicted to the actual actions we do, but to the strong increase in dopamine we get from doing these things.
Although it can be very hard to break addiction, it is possible to find other and healthier ways to stimulate the brain. Hobbies, good experiences with friends, good food, exercise and spiritual communion with God and other people will also stimulate the good signalling substances in the brain, but in a much healthier way. If you want to read more about how the brain works in relation to porn and addiction, there is a lot of useful information on this website which is not Christian but has many useful references to modern research on the functions of the brain: yourbrainonporn.com
There are no direct references to masturbation in the Bible, nor is there any passage in the Bible saying that it is a sin to touch the genitals or to stimulate oneself. The problem is usually what happens in our head when we masturbate. If we combine masturbation with porn, the porn becomes even more addictive. Many people find that they are unable to quit porn without simultaneously quitting masturbation, which you can also read more about on yourbrainonporn.com and similar websites.
Read: Is it OK to masturbate? and Could it be a good idea not to masturbate?
What starts out as curiosity about porn may quickly become a habit you can't break. Since this almost always happens in secret, many people feel shame and self-loathing for being stuck in what that they know is not good. Many people think like you that others would have a different view of them if they knew the dark secret.
However, there is no need to live with this secret forever. Although it is not appropriate to tell everyone, it will almost always be a great relief to talk to a counsellor, pastor or spiritual leader about the situation. This will release some of the inner tension that has increased over the years. There is a huge difference between being alone and having someone to stand with.
The Bible says, “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective " (James 5:16). It is of great importance to confess to someone that you have sinned and tell them that you are stuck in a pattern of sinning. Not everything goes away by confessing, but it becomes easier to accept forgiveness when the sin is confessed. Praying with someone also gives much greater boldness and belief that it is possible to find a way out of the stuck situation.
It will also be necessary to make some radical choices in everyday life to get out of the addiction. It all starts with admitting that you have a problem and confessing porn use as a sin. When you've opened to a leader or counsellor, you also need an "accountability partner" who isn't addicted to porn and who will observe how you're doing over time. Perhaps the pastor or counsellor can help you with this. You must also get rid of all the porn you have lying around and make it more difficult for yourself to get online in those situations where you know the temptations are greater than otherwise. You can read more about this in this article:
But don't forget that God loves you regardless of the sins you have done, the sins you are doing and all the sins you will ever do. We may feel that we have abused grace by asking for forgiveness a thousand times for the same sin, but Jesus died for all our sins, not just the ones we commit two or three times in a lifetime. The Bible says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). It is only what Jesus did on the cross that makes us righteous before God, for "all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:24).
Jesus died for your porn addiction. When we come to God and confess our sin, we are not only forgiven, but also cleansed every time (1. John 1:9). When you come out of the dark secret and live in the light in relation to a leader or counsellor, you are in a new position to break old habits and enjoy freedom from shame and despair.
Good luck!
Best wishes, BoyandGirl.info