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Are you in love with the right person?

Have you ever been infatuated with someone who wasn’t good for you? I have! In fact, several of them.

When I went to junior high school I fell in love with the school bully. I was a nice girl who had grown up in a Christian home, I was always conscientious and likeable. How could I even imagine falling in love with someone who was so different from all my principles and dreams?

Later, I fell in love with a boy I’d never met before, who was older than me. He wasn’t a Christian and lived a life contrary to my own attitudes.

How can this happen?

When we are in puberty, and also at other times of life, these kinds of things often happen. Too many people fall in love with people who are not good for them. Crushes are directed towards the external, they are unstable, they come and go, and are not usually a result of a planned, conscious decision. The saying ‘blinded by love’ is true, but lust makes you deaf as well as blind. When we’re infatuated with someone and our hormones influence us, we can arrive at the most foolish conclusions and make choices that may have consequences for the rest of our lives. Thus it’s important that you have some people who you trust and who can help you by giving you honest feedback about your romantic relationships. They can help you to find out if your choice matches your inner values and that it isn’t just driven by hormones and lust.

Luckily I was able to think clearly when I had a crush. I managed to stick to my principles and realised that this was not the type of boy I wanted to share my life with. I also said ‘No’ when the older boy wanted to be my boyfriend. I wanted a boy with the same faith and attitudes as I had, who I could share my life with and have a family with. Now I’m so glad that I didn’t let my feelings lead me, rather, I let my thoughts, attitudes and will lead me. The infatuation didn’t stop immediately, in fact it lasted a whole year. I never regretted saying ‘No’, when I saw the other girls he chose instead of me. Then I realised that I had just been his plaything for a while.

Crushes always end, but they can last about two years. You can’t build a lasting relationship on a feeling, but you need to get to know the person before you can evaluate if this is a person you will choose for life. When you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it’s a good idea to spend time in fellowship with several others, as you learn a lot about a person by seeing who they hang out with and how they spend time with them. Remember, the main purpose of being together is to get to know each other. In serious relationships the purpose of being together is to find out if you are a good match for marriage. Do you choose a romantic partner for temporary fun, or to find a soul mate?

SO, I have four tips for you :-)

* Don’t get romantically involved with someone just because you have a crush on them, you might be infatuated with someone who isn’t good for you.

* Don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend who hasn’t chosen the same values and standards as you have.

* Make a plan for how you can get to know each other better.

* Make a conscious decision about how you will spend your time alone with each other.