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Best friend just got a boyfriend


My best friend has just got a boyfriend. She thinks I’m happy about it, but I’m getting totally fed up hearing about him. I don’t know if it’s jealousy or if I’m just irritated that she doesn’t spend so much time with me now, because of him. It’s a real problem.



Svar 2/24/2021

Hi,

It’s very understandable that you feel that you don’t get much attention from your friend at this time. When someone’s in love with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, usually everything just seems to revolve around that person. Of course it’s boring for everyone else to hear about it all the time! You’re wondering if you are maybe jealous. Well, jealousy is a natural emotion to experience in a situation like this. Jealousy is made up of the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, anxiety, anger and fear that come when you are afraid of losing someone you care about. This is what’s happening to you now: you are sad and irritated about the fact that your friend spends all her time and attention on her boyfriend, and not on you any longer. In a sense her boyfriend has taken her from you. There isn’t a lot you can do about it, you have to recognise that this is a part of life, unfortunately. Friends come and go; in some stages of life you will have a lot of time for friends, and in other stages of life you will have less time for friends, for different reasons. The good news is that sound friendships can remain strong even if you don’t have so much time to see each other. It’s possible that next time it will be you who is so preoccupied with a boyfriend that you forget your friend for a while.

Having said this, it is still important that you talk to your friend about this. I’m sure she doesn’t want to lose you, and she probably doesn’t see what’s happening. You can tell her that you miss her, that you think it’s a shame that the two of you spend so little time together, and that you think it’s a pity that the times when you are together are just spent talking about her boyfriend. She needs to be reminded that you miss her and that it’s important to take care of her friends even though she’s got a new boyfriend. People often break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends, and then they need their friends.

Dating takes up a lot of time, and when you combine that with other activities such as homework and exercising and so on, then there won’t be that much time left. It’s totally normal that you have less time for friends when you start a relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the friendships will be worse, but you have to get better at portioning out your time and using the time with friends better. So it’s important that you try to understand that it’s not easy to do everything you want to do, and don’t make unreasonable demands on how much time you will spend together. Try to remember that they have just started dating, and things will get better after a while. Give them some time.

Good luck!