Gå til innhold
☰ Meny

Dating a non-Christian?


Hi, I’m a Christian girl of seventeen, and I want to ask some questions about dating and relationships.

I’ve always gone to normal state schools, and the result of this is that I’ve got a lot of close, non-Christian friends. My closest friends aren’t Christians, but this year I joined a group of Christian youths in my town. That has really helped me to grow in my faith, and I’ve got to know lots of great people. However, I still do feel more at home with my non-Christian friends, I’ve known them longer so that’s natural. Through these old friends I’ve met others, and one of them is a guy I’ve started to date. He says that he’s a Christian, but he doesn’t act like one, and I’m almost certain that he doesn’t have a personal relationship to Jesus or want to get nearer Him. So I’ve got a problem, and I don’t know what to do. He’s very kind and I like being with him, but as we’re just at the dating stage I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to continue. Of course, I want to, and he does say that he’s a Christian. And he really wants to keep dating me. I’ve often heard that it’s best to find a person with a strong faith so that they can draw us nearer Jesus. But I’m wondering if I should just go for it anyway? He says that he’s a Christian, so maybe it’ll be easy for me to help him grow stronger in his faith? What do you think? Should I spend a lot of time with him to see how it goes, so I can see if I can talk to him about my faith, or would it be better to stop dating him?



Svar 3/1/2021

Hi,

It’s really smart to think through these questions while you’re still at the dating stage. It would be wrong of us to give you concrete advice about who you should have a relationship with, but we can help you to think through some general principles about being in a relationship.

Feelings can come and go, and we can be attracted to many different people throughout life. We can be attracted to people who are not a good match, and who would make life difficult, so it’s important to choose a partner based on factors other than feelings. It’s important to choose a partner who shares the most important values we have in life. You will have to work out for yourself whether it’s enough that he’s really kind and good to be with, or if there are other qualities you want in a husband.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: How can a couple know if they are a good match?

It would be wrong to go into a relationship thinking that you can change the person and turn them into someone you can be happy with. In a relationship you’ll definitely have an effect on each other, but you can’t know the result for sure. The conditions for being a relationship must be that you are a good match, you’re moving in the same direction in life, you want the same things out of life, and have the same basic goals for life and the relationship. Any changes that happen can be for better or for worse, but it’s important to start on the right foundation. It’s exhausting to be in a relationship with someone who has totally different goals and it will weaken the relationship.

It’s impossible to know which way things will go. Some people in this situation have seen that their partner has become a Christian, but other relationships have resulted in the Christian being pulled away from their faith. You need to find out who this guy really is and what he believes before you enter a relationship. Lots of people call themselves Christians without being born again or living close to God. It’s more important that he is a Christian and lives his life as one, than that he just calls himself a Christian.

 

Best wishes