Hi!
Two years ago I was living in a student hostel in Australia. One evening I was out drinking with my friends, it was quite a casual atmosphere and I didn’t think we would drink much at all. But when I woke up the next day, I couldn’t remember anything. I could just remember the start of the evening, when we were drinking wine, and also a little flashback of me crying in the toilet. When I woke up the next day I saw that there was something wrong with my clothes. I had pyjamas on, but no underwear and my keys were somewhere I didn’t normally put them. Then when I went to the toilet I saw the toilet paper I used had something strange on it. I can’t quite remember what it looked like, but it wasn’t normal. I felt weird and threw up after breakfast. I’ve never thrown up because of alcohol before, and I don’t drink that much.
My question is: could someone have done something to me without me feeling it physically afterwards? Surely I would have felt sore? I am a virgin, so there probably would have been blood too, wouldn’t there? We were drinking in a public place, so anyone could have spiked my drink. I do know that the guys I was with had access to drugs, but we were friends and they knew that I didn’t want to try drugs, and also that I would not have sex with any of them. From a girl of 22.
Hi,
It must have been very scary to wake up not able to remember anything, and we understand that you’re wondering what might have happened. Unfortunately we can’t give you a guarantee that you haven’t been abused. Sexual intercourse is not necessarily painful the first time, and not everyone bleeds the first time either. The fact that you threw up could have been a reaction to drugs in your system, but it could also be a reaction to alcohol or something else.
We really understand that you want to find out what happened that night and confirm that nothing bad happened. It happened two years ago, but you don’t say if you are still in contact with the friends you were with, or if you have tried to ask them what happened that evening. If it is important for you to find out what happened that evening, in order to move on with your life, then it may be an idea to get in touch with some of those who were there, and ask them about it. However, if you are not able to get in touch with any of them, you may have to realise that you may never find out the truth.
That is so easy for us to write, but it can be very hard for you to do in practice. If you continue to think a lot about it, we would recommend that you find someone to talk to. It could be good to talk to someone about these things, for example the fear of what might have happened, and how you can move on with your life. You will find it helpful to visit a nurse, student health service, or your doctor. There may also be national phone helplines in your country. You can talk to your doctor if you need more professional help than a helpline can give.
Giving someone drugs without their knowledge is a criminal offence, and it is also illegal to have sexual contact with someone who is so intoxicated that they cannot give permission for it. If this has happened to you, then you have been treated criminally. You need to know that it was not your fault, it is the person or people who did it who must carry the blame, the shame and the responsibility. These are important facts for you to remember as you try to put this event behind you.
We see that you are courageous by the way you ask difficult questions and ask for help. Not everyone does this, and when they don’t, the problem just gets bigger and people can feel very much alone with their past.
We firmly believe you will go through a process of healing and restoration in the future.
You might also find the following article about God’s grace helpful:
God’s grace is greater than anything else
Best wishes