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I’m being left out, what should I do?


Hi! I’m part of a group of friends at school who stand by each other through thick and thin. Someone else is interested in joining our group, and that’s fine by us. I’ve tried to include this person (X) in different ways, but I feel that X just treats me as if I’m not there. X excludes me from activities the rest of the group is invited to, and then I get the feeling that ‘ingratitude is the world’s reward’. I don’t enjoy school because of this, and when I’m there I just look forward to going home. As a Christian, it doesn’t feel right for me to exclude X from my activities, but I’m thinking about doing that now as X doesn’t invite me. What do you think? I feel that it’s a kind of bullying.



Svar 3/1/2021

Hi,

It is important that you think about how YOU appear and how YOU want to be. The things X says and does are not about you, they are about X. Stay true to the person you want to be, regardless what other people say or do. Don’t let anyone’s behaviour change you or lead you to become someone you don’t want to be. This is not easy, but remind yourself of it constantly so that you don’t risk being tainted by someone else’s immature behaviour or bullying. It is very easy to try to pay back behaviour like this, but then you would have become the kind of person you don’t want to be, and you would do things you are ashamed of.

It seems like you have got other good friends who are loyal. If you don’t change your behaviour now (in order to pay her back), then your friends will stay friends with you, and they will invite you to join them when they meet. Try not to let it become a battle, where they have to choose between you and X, and don’t be tricked into becoming someone who gossips and who excludes others. Just keep on being yourself, the ‘worst’ thing you can do to someone who doesn’t like you is to be kind to them, that affects them more than revenge.

Unfortunately it’s often true that ‘ingratitude is the world’s reward’. Stick with your good friends, and don’t focus on what X does or doesn’t do. You can talk to the school nurse or another adult if this problem leads you to be anxious about going to school, and if it affects your mood and well-being. Try to fill your time with good activities and focus on what’s positive. Remember that you have good friends and they won’t let you down if you are yourself. Focus on becoming even better at being the real you!

 

Best wishes