Hi, I have been thinking about Mat. 5:28 lately. My boyfriend and I wouldn’t have sex before marriage, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish to do it, or that I’m not sexually attracted to him. But is this lust as big a sin as physical sex?
Hi.
It's great that you want to wait until you're married to have sex. It is completely natural that you feel attraction and sexual desire for your lover. But desire and sexual attraction are not the same thing. It is not a sin to feel sexual attraction and feel sexual desire. So you shouldn't feel guilty and ashamed because you feel these feelings.
To desire means to have a very, very strong desire for something. In one of the commandments, for example, it says that we should not desire our neighbor's property, which means wanting to own that thing ourselves so much that we would do almost anything to get hold of it.
In Matt 5,28 the desire is about sex. Lust is not about falling in love or sexual attraction, but about a selfish desire to be satisfied physically. Feeling sexual attraction is something completely normal that everyone feels. Desire is a physical feeling that comes when you dwell on the physical attraction, think, fantasize and dream about having sex with the person in question. Lust is like having sex with someone in your mind.
Read: Looking at someone lustfully
However, lust is not as big a sin as physically having sex, because when you physically have sex you are merged into one body with the person you are having sex with, not just in your mind.
But in order for you to be able to wait as you really want, it is important that you talk together about where you should set the limits and then help each other to keep them. The more you allow of touching and physical closeness, the more horny and lust you will feel. And many people find that it becomes very difficult to wait if they do not respect clear boundaries.
Read: Setting boundaries in a arelationship
Remember that as a married person you have a whole life to explore and enjoy your sexuality, but if the two of you do not get married, it will be best for you if you do not have sex with each other. The best way to spend your dating time is to get to know each other better and explore each other's personality, opinions, values, family culture and interests.
Good luck!
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Best regards,
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