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Girl friends – BFF

Good girl friends are just the best! It’s so good to have someone to meet at school, and someone to walk with, so you don’t need to go into the canteen alone. Someone to talk with for hours, and feel understood – or maybe just to be quiet together. You might listen to music, watch TV, or just spend time together, knowing that you are liked and wanted.

Having close girl friends can also be demanding and tiring. At least it can seem like that when we misunderstand each other, or if one of us gets offended and it’s impossible to put it right. It’s tiring when you get ditched for another best friend. At this point good friends turn into difficult friendships, and the great things you shared seem to be forgotten.

Girls are experts at being fantastic friends. Unfortunately they are also experts at quarreling and creating conflict. Maybe they don’t fight physically, but perhaps it would have been easier to get it over if they did. However, we often do something that is just as hurtful: if there’s someone we are mad at we talk behind her back. We delete her from Instagram and delete all traces of the friendship we once had. Because we know the other girl so well we know exactly what will hurt her most.

Have you ever experienced that? Have you experienced betrayal? Or losing a friend? Have you been exposed to hurtful, bad behaviour and not understood how it can be resolved?

Maybe you’ve done this to someone else?

It’s quite ugly. Girls arguing aren’t a nice sight. We can be really horrible to each other. We try to hurt where it’s most painful. We find new best friends and rub it in.

That is one of the least attractive things about us girls. Believe me, boys see and understand some what goes on in our girls’ universe. And I think at that point they’re very happy not to be girls.

Why is it like this? How can we turn this around? We don’t want to be bad, but when our girl friend has got new friends, or perhaps a boyfriend, then we get jealous and these bad feelings surface. These lead to us submitting to our baser instincts to hurt them or make them feel bad. 

We should have some guidelines for friendship, to help us when it isn’t going well.

I would have included the following:

1. No matter how angry, disappointed, or hurt you are, remember to do to others as you would have them do to you. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to imagine what you would feel like. Would you like someone to talk behind their back about you? Would you like it if others spread false rumours about you? Would you like to be bullied on the internet, or ignored or rejected at school?

2. This too shall pass. Don’t be so hurtful that you can’t ever be friends again. Watch what you say when you’re angry or hurt, in case you make it impossible to be friends again! After some time you may be able to laugh about old conflicts. You may even forget how you fell out in the first place.

3. We all need forgiveness. We all make fools of ourselves, say things we don’t mean or do something stupid. Sometimes I have to forgive, and at other times I need to be forgiven. There’s nothing quite so good as being given a new chance, a hug and the opportunity to be an even better friend. I highly recommend forgiveness!