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How do I find that special person?

How can you find someone who suits you, who is similar, who has the same attitudes and values, who is dreaming about a person like you, and who would value who you are?

Are you looking for the right partner? Where are you looking?

The way you search, and where you search, can determine who you find.

A man’s sex drive is awakened first and foremost through sight, and a woman’s through touch. If you ‘encourage’ this drive as you search for the right partner, then you will find someone who is led by their sex drive and emotions. There are many young men who have trained both their mind and their body to be obedient to the values they adhere to, and these young men are attracted to the same type of women.

So girls, although it’s fun to be fashionable and wear nice clothes, remember that clothes send signals that can make people see you in a different way from that which you want. Most of us like to look good, and it feels great to be admired and get attention. But an easy and very effective way to get attention from men of all ages is to wear tight, low-cut or daring clothes. Don’t let your fashion style stop you being admired and respected for who you are. Physical attraction and sex on their own aren’t enough if you want a relationship that will last. It wouldn’t be much fun to grow old with someone who chose you because of your body and who likes to look at younger women! It’s much wiser to focus on the inner qualities which can grow stronger and more attractive as you get older. Guys are attracted by girls who show a genuine interest in them, and who see the treasure in their hearts. Guys need to be reassured that girls see something of value in them and believe in them.

Guys: if you just let your hormones choose a girl for you, you may well overlook important things, for example she may be shallow, self-centred and permanently in need of your constant admiration and encouragement. A girl who uses her physical appearance to get and control men, can have problems knowing where she should set the limit. Girls need guys who will show them honour and respect, treating them like a valuable jewel: someone who makes them feel safe, secure and protected.

Both guys and girls need to feel special, appreciated and gifted. Win a partner by being helpful and friendly. Show interest in each other and find out what the other is passionate about. If you have plans and dreams for your life, then they should fit with what the other person is passionate about. If you are dreaming about being a missionary, you should find someone who is thinking the same way.

It’s very important first of all that you take time to discover who youare, in order that you can know who would be a good match.

When you look for a boyfriend or girlfriend, look for someone who is not selfish, who values you and who believes in who you are. You need a healthy person who doesn’t require a partner to boost their self-image or social status. Don’t choose someone who is seductive or led by their emotional needs; instead, choose someone who is well-adjusted and secure in themselves. A guy or girl with self-respect radiates self-worth. Be someone like this, and look for someone like this.

You can’t give something you don’t have, so you can’t love others before you love yourself. Jesus said, ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’ (Mark 12:31), and Paul said, ‘In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church …’ (Ephesians 5:28–29).

God loves us and wants us to learn how to love ourselves.

It’s only when we first love ourselves that we can love others.