Checklists, analyses, rollercoaster emotions, and devious plans are normal when you are looking for the right partner. Perhaps Ingebjørg’s five tips can help?
Almost every single young person is on the lookout, although how serious or purposeful they are may vary. They’re on the hunt: looking for someone to spend time with, laugh with, kiss and perhaps marry.
We can have checklists, analyses, rollercoaster emotions and devious plans in the hope of finding the right partner. Sometimes they work, but often they don’t. Then perhaps it works out when you least expected it … or when you did expect it, having worked hard towards making a friendship something more.
Christians are also on the hunt. Most of us have to go through the same frustrations and rollercoaster ride as everyone else, but nevertheless we do have some strategies and frameworks that make things different for us. Here are some tips for you who are looking for a partner. Some of the tips apply to everyone, but some are primarily for those of us who are Christians and who relate to God’s thoughts and His plan for our life. Good luck!
1. It’s actually not a hunt.
There are certain things the Bible consistently mentions in the context of romantic partners and relationships: humility, encouraging each other, and only looking to God for affirmation and status. We are told to ‘win our spouse in holiness and honour’. Finding a romantic partner isn’t something that you can make happen, your partner isn’t a trophy. You mustn’t trick or try to convince the other person. Be humble, up front (don’t play with feelings!), real and secure in the knowledge that you are affirmed by God, not by your partner or your marital status.
2. Give enough of yourself.
The person who you are trying to make an impression on deserves to see who you really are, not just a safe, neutral mask that you put on. Only then will the other person have the chance to love the real you, not just a fake ideal. Dare to reveal yourself. Dare to show weakness, dare to laugh really loudly, even dare to fart when you’re together. At the same time you can (and it’s a good idea) set limits on how much you say and do. Physical and emotional intimacy aren’t tools to win a person, you give them to someone you are already committed to.
3. Be the person you want to get.
We can so easily become selfish when we’re looking for a romantic partner. We look for someone who can affirm, comfort and complement us. What about moving the focus from what you demand/need/want towards thinking mostly about how you can be good for the other person, and how you can create something great together? I’m sorry to have to shatter the dream, but you won’t be automatically secure, up front and happy as soon as you start dating. Don’t look for someone who can ‘fix’ you, but prepare yourself to be a resource for the other person.
4. Have the right points on your checklist.
Don’t reject someone just because they have a gap in their teeth or speak the wrong dialect. Don’t fall for someone who sings beautifully if they don’t share your values. You may have lots of criteria that you want your partner to fulfill, so practice letting the less important, surface things mean less, but don’t let go of the core values: find someone who is Christian, who you can talk to, who you trust and who you can be yourself with, even on the worst of days. That’s what will count in the long run.
5. Remember that you are not defined by your marital status!
Focus on meaning something for the person you meet today, whether or not they are a potential partner. Build your identity on what God says about you.
Published with permission from iTro.no