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Sixty things to talk about with your partner

The time when you are dating is a great time to get to know each other better. We reveal more and more of who we are, what we like and what is important to us through social activities and conversation.

Some people will discover that they are very different, and perhaps don’t suit each other so well. Others will find out that they have shared values and interests, and a good foundation to build the relationship on. The following questions can help you get to know each other better, and perhaps you’ll get to know yourself better too.

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Here are some tips before you start:

– Think about where you will talk before you start talking about difficult things. The atmosphere affects your mood, and it often helps to make the setting comfortable when you are going to talk in private. Many people find it easier to talk when they do something simple together, such as going for a walk.

– Think about when you will talk. It’s important that both of you are refreshed and ready to talk. Perhaps you can decide in advance when you will talk about the most difficult questions? It’s a good idea to think through some things alone, before you share with your partner.

– Be a good listener. Give your partner good time to answer, and avoid relating stories that will bring attention to yourself. Wait until he or she is finished before answering the same question.

 

Leisure time:

When do you relax best?

What sort of activities make you happy?

When would you rather be alone?

What do you think we could improve when we’re alone?

Which of your friends do you like being with most, and why?

What kind of films do you like?

What would you like to have better time for?

What would you like to do on future dates?

When do you feel most refreshed?

Describe your dream holiday.

 

Family:

Who are you in your family?

Who is it easiest for you to talk with in your family?

What is your best childhood memory?

How would you describe your family culture?

Which traditions are important in your family?

Was your father present when you grew up?

What does your family do that others may find a bit strange?

Describe your parents.

What do the others in your family believe in?

How are the household duties divided up in your home?

 

The future:

What is your biggest dream?

What would you like to study?

Where do you see yourself in two, five or ten years?

Where would you like to live, either for a short or a long time?

Would you like to have children?

What would your dream job be, if you could do whatever you liked and get paid for it?

Share about the expectations you have of your future spouse when you are married. How should they treat you, prioritise time, and so on.

What expectations do you think your spouse would have of you?

Name three things you’d like to do in the coming year.

What is your dream holiday? What would you do, where would you go, and who would you be with?

 

Relationships:

List three things I do that you really like.

List three things I do that you don’t like.

What have I done previously that made you feel loved?

What have I done previously that made you feel devalued?

What three things should I work on?

Of the following, what would make you feel most loved:

     a. To get massaged and caressed.

     b. To sit and talk about your favourite subject.

     c. To help in the house one afternoon.

     d. To get a really nice present.

     e. To hear encouraging words about how much I appreciate you.

 

What is the next big decision we will make as a couple?

Which word would you like to hear from me more often?

What would you like us as a couple to do differently?

Which of the things that we do or have done would you like to do again?

 

The past:

What good memories do you have from primary/elementary school?

What put you in a good mood?

What do you remember from your primary/elementary school that made you sad/unhappy/insecure?

Who were you in your class in primary/elementary school?

Who were you in your free time when you were younger?

In which situations were you emotionally hurt?

Why do you think this happened?

In which area have you changed the most in the past years?

Who have been your greatest role models?

Which things from your past would you like to erase?

Relate the three biggest disappointments in your life and how you tackled them.

 

Feelings:

What do you like most about your life just now?

What do you like least about your life just now?

When was the last time you felt really happy?

Name the three things that irritate you most easily.

Have you asked forgiveness recently? What did you say?

Has anyone asked you to forgive them recently? Did they seem genuine? Did you forgive them? Why/why not?

What do you expect to hear others say when they really ask your forgiveness?

In which area do you most easily come into conflict?

What do you think the reason for this is?

How do you react in a conflict?

Who do you feel safest with? Why?