Hello :) I'm a 14-year-old girl :) and every now and then, I lie down and imagine that I'm having sex with a boy. When I do, I get a good feeling, and I get horny/ sexually aroused. But it only lasts for 5 seconds, and then I'm just sad because I know it is something that God does not want. I know he can forgive me for my sins, but I still do it even if I know it's wrong. I heard that there is a difference between falling into sin and living in sin. Do you have any tips on how I can quit? Thanks!
Dear girl, 14 years old,
Youth is a time full of feelings and thoughts. The body comes alive for all kinds of good, exciting feelings, horniness and desire. You shouldn't feel shame and guilt for having these feelings. It is not a sin to feel good feelings and horny.
Our thoughts often fly away quickly, and we don't always have control over where they go. Still, it is good for us to practice controlling our thoughts. We can't stop thoughts from flying over our heads, but we can stop them from landing and staying inside our heads. There is a big difference between the thoughts that fly by for a few seconds and the ones we invite in and spend time on.
The Bible says that sex is something that belongs to marriage and that if you think about sex with someone other than your spouse, then it is a sin. Fortunately, Jesus knows that we cannot always say no, so he always accepts us and forgives us, for all thoughts and all sins, without reservation, without counting, and without getting tired of us.
But it's a good idea to take control of your thoughts. And if you want to stop thinking about something, you have to start thinking about something else. Simply replace the tank. Have a good, pleasant thought ready that you can bring in instead of the thought that gives you a guilty conscience. Imagine that you use the remote control and change the channel, change the "movie" inside your head.
Also, think about whether there is something you see, hear, and are interested in that could cause you to fantasize about sex. If you want to gain control over your thoughts, you must also think through what gives you these thoughts. Everything we see, hear, read, and fill ourselves with is stored in our subconscious and will gradually help to shape our thoughts, opinions, attitudes, and values. We rarely notice directly what affects us since it happens gradually and over time. It is therefore wise if you think about what is good for you to watch.
God advises us to "above all else, guard your heart, for it’s the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23), and we are constantly encouraged to fill ourselves with God's Word, read it, ponder it, and be concerned with it because then it will affect us.
So fill yourself with what is good and be active and engaged with friends, and your thoughts will also be more occupied with other things.
Wishing you all the best.
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