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I've done something I regret, what should I do?

Hello. A boy I like asked if I could stay over in his house and I said yes. So when I was there, we watched porn, even though I didn't want to.
Then he asked if I could touch his penis and I did. Then he took off my sweater and touched my breasts. When I got home, I prayed to God never to do that again. Then two or three days later, he knocked on my door, and then I agreed to have sex! It has happened several times now and it is both nice but also uncomfortable. Now I don't know what to do.
Greetings from girl 13-15 years

Hello girl 13-15 years!

It is not an easy situation you have gotten into, and it may not be so easy to get out of it either. Based on what you write, it sounds like you are torn between what you think is fine and what this boy you like thinks is fine. You write that you watched porn even though you did not want to, but you didn’t mention telling him you didn't want to, or that you joined in even though your thoughts and feelings said no. It can be difficult to dare to say no in a situation like this!

If this boy pushed you to watch porn, and to do sexual acts against your will, this is sexual assault and something that is illegal and punishable by law. You don't say anything about the boy's age, but if he is older than you, what he does to you is sexual abuse regardless of whether you consented or not. The age of consent is 16 years in Norway and that is because professionals believe that you are not ready to have sex at your age. To have sex entails a number of consequences that you are too young to deal with, even if you use contraception, you are not fully insured against venereal diseases and pregnancy. Having sex is also very intimate and personal and you put yourself in a vulnerable situation. That is why the Bible recommends waiting to have sex until you have found the man who promises to be faithful to you your whole life.

Read: Is it okay to have sex when you are 15? og How to say no to porn (Norwegian only)

You write that you asked God not to do it again, but that you still said yes when he asked you to have sex. Sometimes we do things we don't want to and things we regret afterwards. Fortunately, God is good, merciful and loving, and he forgives us when we ask for forgiveness. As I said, there is always grace and forgiveness from God when we have made a mistake, he does not condemn us!

Read:  God's grace is greater than anything else 

You write that it is nice and unpleasant. It is often a dilemma that the same thing is exciting and nice, but at the same time it's uncomfortable because you don't really want to. One can feel ashamed because you have done something that you really didn't want to do or think is not right. Shame is unpleasant, but it is not something you need to carry. The best thing to do is to talk to someone about these things. We recommend you talk to an adult that you trust and have confidence in ,whom you can dare to be honest with and tell everything to. If you know a Christian leader, priest or pastor, it can be good to talk to someone who believes in God.

Read: Synd og dårlig samvittighet (Norwegian only)

If you don't know someone you can talk to, you can talk to the public health nurse at school, she is used to talking to young people about these topics. We would also like to remind you that there are help services that are available at all times. One of these services is Mental Health which has its own helpline, it is open 24 hours a day, all year round. Telephone:+47 116 123. On Mental Health's chat service sidetmedord.no you can also share your thoughts and feelings with other users or staff. The service is anonymous.

There can be many reasons why you agree to participate in things you don't really want. Many people are concerned about being cool, especially when you are with a person you like. Nevertheless, it is important that you think through who YOU want to be and what choices are right and important to you. And if this boy does not respect the boundaries you have set, you should avoid putting yourself in a position where you are alone with him. Even if you like him now and therefore agree to things he wants, it is not healthy for you to live contrary to your values. So that you don't constantly end up in situations where you do things because others want you to, you have to decide how you want to live your life, and you have to stand up for yourself and make good choices for yourself. If you decide how you want to relate to boys and sex, it is much easier to resist pressure and temptation.

Read: Føler meg kjip når jeg sier nei  (Norwegian only) og Tatt dårlige valg, trenger veldig hjelp! (Norwegian only)

You can also watch videos and read articles below on topics that are relevant to your situation, see the links.

Porn: Search 

Other articles and videos about sex, feelings, grace and forgiveness, etc:

Why you shouldn't have sex before you are married

What does the Bible say about sex?

Nye begynnelser (Norwegian)

Kind regards, BoyandGirl.info

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