Set Your Own Boundaries

Have you decided where your boundaries are? Have you given some thought to who and what should be a part of your life, and have you thought about how far you should go?

Have you ever thought about who sets your boundaries? Is it your parents, your friends, the cool people in your class, or is it YOU? Sometimes we let others decide what our boundaries are, either because we don’t dare to let them know, or because we’re pressured, because we’re afraid of being different, or because we want to be accepted as part of the ‘in’ crowd. In the long run it doesn’t feel good to be someone the others want you to be. We’ve all got an idea of who we really are, and we want the others to accept us and know us for who we are. It’s at this point that it can be painful if we’re not accepted or if we’re treated as if we’re worthless. We can even start to believe what is said about us. Then we can need an adult to help us to find the person we really are.

Life is so much easier when you’ve decided who you really are. When you’ve decided what will be a part of your life, what you will be a part of, and where your boundaries are, then you can just relax and live life. Then you start to treat yourself as the person you want to be, and the way you treat yourself communicates something to others about how they should act when they’re with you. When they see that you are determined, that you know what you want and are proud of it, then you are actually telling others what they should think of you.

It’s important that you know who you are before you enter a romantic relationship. Otherwise, the relationship will be characterised by an unhealthy need for affirmation from your partner, and not by mutual support between two independent individuals. If you haven’t thought about your boundaries in advance, there’s a greater chance that you’ll end up in a situation you will regret, simply because you were not prepared. In this case it can easily be your partner who sets the boundaries and not you.

Decide who you want to be. Write down your values so they give direction to your choices and your boundaries. Then it will be easier to be the person you have decided to be. If you don’t, it can easily be feelings, situations or the pressure to please others that decide the direction your life takes. The values you decide on will help you to live from the internal to the external, instead of the opposite. You don’t have to live according to other people’s rules, but according to the values you have set yourself. It’s YOU who should set your boundaries.

Many times it can be difficult to set your boundaries where you know you should. There are big temptations. If you lack vision and direction in life, you will also lack self-control. If this is the case, you will be a slave to your feelings. If we always do what we feel like, we will be full of regrets. When you have a goal, a vision for life, these will give you motivation for action. Vision gives purpose to anything you might sacrifice. When you have a vision, a goal, a revelation for your life, then self-control will help you to make the choices that will lead you in the direction of the goal you’ve set yourself. If you don’t have any vision, direction or goal, then you will quickly end up going astray and can end up somewhere you don’t want to be.

Your behaviour is a result of the way you see yourself. When you have decided who you are, then you naturally adapt your behaviour so that it portrays the person you know you want to be. People who know who they are and what they want, set their own boundaries clearly and distinctly, so that it’s easy for others to relate to them and to respect them.

Be specific and be proud of your boundaries!