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My friends are bad role models


I think the idea of saving myself sexually for my future husband is really great, and I certainly want to wait till I get married before I have sex.
However, I can see that this idea has led to some of my friends getting married too young, and too quickly. Some of them are already divorced before they reach 30, and some of them have even been youth leaders at church.
I don’t think this is a good way to act, or that they are good role models. What do you think?



Svar 3/1/2021

Hi,

It’s great that you’re aware of this problem!

Unfortunately, when we look at the statistics, there is a greater chance of divorce if people marry early in life. Marriage needs quite a bit of maturity, responsibility and strength of character, and a lot of people are not ready for this if they marry too early. (Although a lot of people are ready). There has been a tendency in some Christian circles for some people to marry, as you say, too young and too quickly. They often do this due to a desire to discover sex, but unfortunately the marriage hasn’t lasted. We really agree with you: this is a very poor choice!

There is no ‘right’ time to marry, it really depends on the individual. However, there are also good arguments for getting married early. In previous generations, people were forced into adulthood quickly, as in a short space of time they finished school, got a job, got married and started a family. Nowadays, however, adolescence can last up to ten or fifteen years, and this is a time characterised by lots of privileges but little responsibility. This does not make a good foundation for marriage, as marriage is about sacrifice. Something else to think about is the fact that we are most biologically fertile at the start of our twenties.

It’s very sad that you’ve seen a lot of marriages that haven’t worked out. You might well feel disappointed, or maybe you have other feelings? If you do, we recommend you to release these by choosing to forgive, and instead deciding to focus on the things that will best prepare you to have a good marriage. You can do this by choosing to grow in maturity by having close relationships to other people, and by working on your own character, your own responsibilities, and your ability to communicate. Maybe there are some good role models near you who you can look up to?

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Best wishes