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I just had sex, but didn’t want to

Hi, I’m 19 and have never had sex, until this evening. I had sex but didn’t want to do it. What should I do? I’m feeling really hopeless.


It’s good that you got in contact with us when you’re in this situation. You don’t say much about what has happened so it’s hard for us to really give you a definite answer. It’s very tough to be in a situation like you are in, and it’s important that you find someone you trust who you can talk to about what’s happened.

You write that you didn’t want to have sex and that you’re feeling hopeless now. It is extremely difficult and very painful emotionally to experience unwanted sex. You might be left with a sense of shame and be asking yourself if there was anything you could have done to avoid it. We can’t tell if you wanted to join in and have sex and then regret it afterwards, or if you were in a situation where you either couldn’t or didn’t dare to say ‘no’. It may also be that you didn’t manage to say ‘no’ loud enough, or that your wishes were not respected. It’s not always so easy to know exactly where the boundaries of what we call ‘rape’ lie, but if you were made to perform a sex act without giving your permission, then this is classed as sexual assault and that is punishable in many countries. But whatever the definition, the fact that you are feeling hopeless means that it would be good for you to talk about what happened and work through your emotions with an adult you trust. If you find out that you have been raped, then it is especially important that you talk to someone, either a nurse, a phone helpline for rape victims, or the emergency doctor.

You don’t mention whether you used contraception or not, or if you are afraid of contracting venereal disease or of becoming pregnant. It’s important to talk about all of these with an adult you trust. You might be afraid of talking about it, but it is important and would do you good to get it out in the open.

If you were a willing partner but regret doing it afterwards, you still need to give yourself a new start. It is important to talk about what happened, so that you know where to stop and set limits so it doesn’t happen again. If you are a Christian, you need to ask God to forgive you, and to break the invisible bonds that were created between you and the person you had sex with. It’s also important that you forgive yourself, move on and give yourself a new start so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s painful having experiences that you regret. You can’t undo it now, but you can let this experience help you to set boundaries in the future.

We’re sending several different links to other similar questions along with this answer, as we don’t exactly know your situation. We hope you find something that suits your situation there.

Have I been raped?
We overstepped our boundaries - what should we do?
I've had sex - what can I say to people?
Hatt sex, hva nå? (Norwegian)
Angrer etter sex (Norwegian)
Regret being fingered 

Best regards BoyandGirl.info

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